When Carter was in the hospital, we often heard the term 'just a nurse'. It was thrown around by doctors, by parents, by midwives.. but what shocked me the most, was the amount of times I heard a nurse refer to THEMSELF as 'just a nurse'!
99% of the time, people were saying it without really thinking about it; "..Oh, I'm just a nurse.. you'll have to speak to the doctor" "..I'll grab a midwife for you.. I'm just a nurse" "..Ohhh, I'm not really sure.. I'm just a nurse" Listen here, 'just a nurse'..
When our tiny little baby fought for his life, you fought along side him!
You fought for more time.. more tests.. a second opinion.. a third opinion.
As his little body pushed through another day, you pushed on, too!
You pushed that feed like your life depended on it, ensuring you went at a pace that wasn't rushed.. in those moments, you made us feel like you had all the time in the world to be there for him. You hid your yawns and that end-of-shift ache as you gave handover. I listened in as you talked about my son like he were your own and you were leaving him with the babysitter -- I never got sick of hearing how passionate you were about ensuring that everything got passed onto the next nurse; it made me so grateful to have you as our advocates.
You fought back tears as we let ours fall. In those moments, nothing about you was 'just a nurse'.. in those moments, you were our best friends and our family.
Carter with his big sister and brother at three months old and rockin' floor time in the SCN Dubbo.
I've lost count of the amount of times that I saw the look of defeat in a nurses eyes. They felt like this wasn't for them anymore.. like, maybe, they'd lost that touch that families needed.. that, maybe they weren't the kind of nurse they needed to be.. maybe they needed to re-evaluate their decisions to be in that nursery.
Carter after having a bath while having a couple of his nurses assessed on probe placement.
Carter's nurse, Casey, showing us all how it's done. Gosh! This girl was the dose of normal that we needed! I can't tell you how many times I left the unit feeling a little less out of touch with the outside world because I had this wonderful person to just TALK to!
To the nurse pushing through that nerve-wracking assessment in front of a parent: YOU'VE GOT THIS! You've done it so many times that you could do it with your eyes closed! And when that assessor throws you off with an unexpected question about what you're doing, DON'T SECOND GUESS YOURSELF! You know why you're doing it.. you know why it's important.. your assessor needs to know that you know.. that's it! Don't overthink it.. I've watched you do it a hundred times this week.. you've got this! To the nurse that had a co-worker or parent make them second guess their knowledge and their abilities as a nurse: OWN IT! When you know what you're talking about, inside and out.. OWN THAT SHIT! Stand up and stand your ground. When you aren't sure or you doubt yourself, OWN THAT TOO! Say it! "I'm not sure.. but I'll find out for you".. "I'm not 100%.. but I'll double check for you". In admitting that you aren't sure, we trusted you more. We trusted that you weren't going to just 'wing it'. When you promised to find out and you came back to us with certainty, you impressed us! We knew you were flat-out but you still made time to ensure that you had no doubts when it came to the care of our little boy. To the nurse who felt challenged by someone with authority: You are an advocate for those of us who are too tired to fight, please keep fighting for us! You pushed and you fought and you were my voice when I just couldn't do it anymore. You saw the bigger picture. You saw the flaws and the cracks in a plan that was just never going to work! You heard me when I broke and I gave in. You heard me as I cried and declared that I just can't keep going; and as you handed me a box of tissues, it was YOU who took the exhaustion and the fight on.. it was you who tagged in and had my back like we were the damn A-Team.
To the nurse who felt like it was time to give up fighting for a cause that felt pointless: You are fighting to stop another baby from being a statistic.. just as you did for us.. just as I hope you will continue to do. They will push you and they will throw around some nastiness. I hate it, but that's the world and that's what happens when organisations try to cut costs.
It was YOU who made me feel like I could go home and sleep in my own bed that night. It was YOU who made me feel like my son was safe and in the best hands. You made me feel like this because I knew that you would be there for him, just as I am. When I left him in your hands, it was because I trusted you and your ability to know what was best for him. When new ideas are put forward to create a system which is flawed, please stand your ground like a parent would if they had your knowledge of the risks involved. Please push for better systems.. SAFER systems.. instead of settling in defeat. Please push for those babies the way you pushed for ours.
Carter after his R.O.P Screening with his beautiful Nepean NICU Nurse, Nik. This woman has a heart of gold and
a way of making me feel like, even at his worst, he was doing exactly as they expected.. and that made me feel less scared.
We made it through the worst days of our life!
We made it through those awfully emotional talks with Carter's doctors. We made it through the breakdowns in the corridor. We made it through the headache of broken communications. We made it through the back and forth of the NICU journey.. and we made it because of you.
Don't underestimate the place you have in a family's journey through the NICU and SCN.
You're our lifeline. You're our shoulder to cry on. You're the sun rising on a brand new day. It is because of you that we can share our journey with other parents fighting a similar fight. It is because of you that we have a beautiful bright little boy to wake up to every morning. Thank you for who you are and everything you do. Nothing about you is 'just' an anything. You are a light in dark times. You are soft and gentle when everything is loud and scary. You are a nurse. Without you, the world is without hope.
Carter with his wonderful nurse, Ash, who was such a beautiful light to be around!
Ash came into our world on the very day that we needed her to! For the next month, I would always feel a sense of relief to hear her voice as she entered the nursery.
I can't explain how my heart felt to walk into the nursery and find Carter's nurse, Craig, having cuddles to settle Carter. These are the moments you hold onto as a parent with a baby in the hospital.
Craig made us feel like our son couldn't be in better hands. His love of his job and the care that he gives to every single baby and their family.. I am so happy that we had the pleasure of having him care for our baby.
Jane and Tracie before Carter's R.O.P Screening at Nepean's NICU.
I can't explain the vibe these two bring into the confinements of a sterile and emotionally draining NICU. I was always so grateful to see them when I walked through those doors and hear their voices ring through the bays. I would happily put my trust in these two, a million times over. On another note, Tracie gave Carter his first bath!
Jane (again) and Sarah. Sarah felt like family.. and then we found out that her family and my family know each other (..because everyone in New Zealand knows each other!) Sarah had this way of lightening the mood and making you forget that you were in a hospital. I will always be appreciative of those chats!
Carter's SCN nurses for his 100th day party! Jenny, Leanne, Jess, Hannah and Molly.
Each one of these beautiful nurses playing a huge part in our journey. Jenny gave me back so many moments I thought would forever be lost to the nursery. Leanne stopped me in my tracks when I was wearing myself thin and took care of me, just as much as she took care of Carter.
Jess held my hand through a scary MRI with Carter and made us both feel like we would be okay.. she was going to look after us both. Hannah was my link back to Nepean when the days were a blur of feeds, rounds, meds and obs. She was the proud Aunty of Cater's NICU roomie at Nepean and we were both awaiting their arrival home! I loved having her poke her head in and give me updates.. it made the transition to Dubbo much easier to handle. Molly was Carter's first nurse at Dubbo Base Hospital. I remember asking her what the run down was.. "Where do we wash our hands.. when's cares.. visiting hours.. rules.. hand sanitiser?" She looked at me like I had two heads and I quickly learnt that SCN is very different to the NICU. I am so grateful that she was our first nurse. She walked me through the differences that we were about to experience as SCN newbies and she looked after Carter with so much love and care! Now that Molly has moved to the Emergency Department, we see her quite regularly on our ventures through ED.. it's a really heart-warming feeling to see your baby's nurse after they've come home.
I wish I had taken photos of every single one of Carter's wonderful nurses across Nepean, Westmead and Dubbo Base. We had so many beautiful, amazing nurses caring for Carter. Some we still stay in touch with today! Those nurses are like our family! They're apart of so many of our first memories with Carter and nothing will ever make us forget who they are and the part they played in getting us to where we are today.
I know this post will find most of you -- Thank you, from the bottom of our hearts.
You gave us happiness when all we had was grief. You gave us hope when we felt like all hope was gone.
You empowered us when we felt like we had no place in Carter's care. You gave us all the tools we needed to make it through the worst year of our entire lives.. YOU did that. Here's to the nurses in our lives.. may we never refer to them as 'just' a nurse. They will forever be more than 'just' an anything.
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