Have you ever had a horrible day? Just EVERYTHING goes wrong and you are hanging onto the thought that the day will eventually end? That's what our entire 2017 looked like.
A few weeks ago, we found out that that's also how 2018 would look for us.. and probably more years to follow. This time, it's not Carter.. this time, it's me.
A few weeks ago, I found myself in emergency. I'd had a fall after feeling my hip completely go out from under me - I was holding Carter.
X-rays and physical examinations later showed that I had bilateral Developmental Dysplasia of the Hip (or 'DDH'), something I was born with that went somewhat unnoticed - I mean, the symptoms were ALL there!.. but when you don't know any different, you don't think to mention it. Being born with dislocated hips, I was seen by an orthopaedic specialist as a baby.. but they were confident that my hips were self-correcting and I wouldn't need a brace or cast.
After being born breech, my hips were a 'little bit' dislocated 😏
DDH is a condition where the hip 'ball and socket' doesn't form as it should and, therefore, doesn't 'fit' too well. In my case, the head of the femur (thigh bone), in both of my legs, is barely sitting in the acetabulum (the hip 'socket').
To make issues worse, because my hips aren't 'properly fitted to my body', the cartilage around my hip joint (called the 'labrum') keeps 'catching' between my pelvis and thigh bone, causing Labral Tears. This has caused early degeneration and bought me the diagnosis of early onset osteoarthritis. A nurse said to me, "It's hard to be in so much pain.. but it's even harder when you don't look unwell". So so true! I called my dad from the hospital. "So all those times I told you off for the way you sat, it was probably just too uncomfortable for you!" Dad used to tell me off all the time for not doing my homework at the table. He'd had issues with his back for so many years, he couldn't bear the thought of me going through it as well. But I could never understand why it was so comfortable for me to have my legs in an awkward position while I sat hunched over on the floor.
How ca-razy is it that it was normal to give your baby a bottle of juice?! Oh times have changed!
So, two weeks later, we are home from Westmead and I'm having an MRI the following afternoon.
Totally didn't see the 'Turn Off Phone' sign until LEAVING the waiting room - One of the ladies who works here follows us - SORRY MAXINE! 😬
Today, I had a follow-up Orthopaedic appointment. The MRI showed that I'm on my last legs with the labral tear. My twenty-minute appointment turned into three hours in the hospital.. with three kids..
Carter slept for the first hour.. and then had explosive diarrhoea on the third hour.
Poo EVERYWHERE. It was in all in his pants and had soaked through to the pram. My doctor came back to see me. "With your hips the way they are, you will never be without pain unless you have surgery to correct the placement". A couple of weeks ago, they expected I would just need a hip replacement (or two).. it's since turned into a repair on the labrum and a complete reconstruction of my hips.. a fairly urgent one.
So today, I had my first round of cortisone injections into my hip. They give a local anaesthetic before lunging another needle into the heart of my banged up joint.. holy crap it hurt.. and then, it didn't! They wheeled me into recovery and I laid there and bawled my eyes out. My ENTIRE LIFE, I have lived with this pain, we joked about me having 'old lady hips' but we NEVER knew it was an actual problem (If you follow my Insta/FB Stories, you would have seen me mention my 'old lady hips' a lot). To finally be without pain (until the anaesthetic wore off) it felt incredible! I couldn't believe that I'd lived with it for so long!! We are feeling so tested at the moment that we can't help but laugh at the lack of 'breaks' we're catching. I wondered if this was something I would share publicly.
Was it relevant?.. Was it part of our story or is it just a minor detail? Honestly, I don't know yet.
I don't know how much this is going to change things for us.
The only thing I know for sure is that our couples and families are going to be able to catch me rockin' a gorgeous floral walking cane in our upcoming sessions! - not because I can't walk without it, but because sometimes I need to rely on it after a long day.
There's this part of me that wants to be sad and angry. 'Why me.. why now..?' I'm tired of there always being 'something'.. and then I realised.. everyone has SOMETHING. Everyone is tired of something. Whether it's an illness, a responsibility, a friend or family member.. everyone has something. This is my 'something'.
This won't affect sessions and weddings. I'm busting my butt in physio so I can get on top of this and rock my thirties like a forty-year-old and less like a sixty-year-old.
All joking aside.. I still have my life. It's changed.. but I have it. Nothing's going to make me waste it.
Who would've thought an 11-month-old would be the one to teach me that lesson.
The support from people who knew what we have been going through is just so beautiful! People who have their own stuff.. their own 'something'.. they're pouring all this love and care into our broken little buckets and it just blows me away. It's been a difficult few weeks, but we've been through worse things in life.. this will be a walk in the park.. a super slow, super painful, super expensive and depressing little 'hobble' through the park.. but we got this.
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