I get knocked down.. but I get up again!
I had another stroke. Actually it was five days before this photo was taken..
Honestly, there's nothing more to it. I got a headache, started dropping things, walked into the wall a few times and, as fate would have it, my doctor called, barely an hour later.
"While I have you on the phone.." I began. As I started telling her what was going on, she stopped me, "Erin, hang up and call an ambulance. I think you're having another stroke."
So, in true 'Erin fashion', I hung up and immediately had something to eat, a cup of tea, and a shower.
If you're not familiar with my style, you should know that I followed up my last stroke with a trip to The Warehouse, before I was completely unable to walk (which came about an hour later). Why? Because I can never quite wrap my brain around the idea that this shit is happening.
After arriving at Tauranga Hospital, I had a CT scan of my brain, which found that I'd had another bleed in the left part of my thalamus, a 'Thalamic Bleed'. -- the part of your brain which controls SO MANY THINGS; movement, memory, breathing, balance, circadian cycle (sleep/wake cycle), just to name a few.
They literally didn't know what to do with me. My brain is bleeding. As it bleeds, the tissue dies.. but they can't treat it or remove it because all the options available to me are far too risky. Basically, do I want to live like this, with the idea that, with each stroke, I have a chance at recovery, OR, have it removed or treated, and risk being permanently paralysed or never waking up again?
I'm open to treatment.
My Neurosurgeon, Neurologist and GP are all working together on the best way to go about starting Radiotherapy. With the current global pandemic, my doctors feel like the best move for me, at the moment, is to put off treatment.
Radiotherapy will make me more susceptible to the Covid-19 virus and being in the hospital won't help those chances. For now, we wait it out.
I feel good! I feel really good.
I have moments where I have to stop myself in a negative thought.
I have moments where I have to say to my kids, "Mommy's going to be just fine!", and see the look on my 8-year-old's face, as if to say, 'that's what you said last time'.
I have moments, like everyone.. but they aren't all bad.
I leave a session with so much more happiness, gratitude, and fulfilment, than I EVER did before. Happiness that I get to continue living this dream of mine. Gratitude for the clients who still have faith in me. Fulfilment from a life I thought I'd never get back. Things are still, somewhat, up in the air, but it'll never stop me from doing what I love. I recently spoke with the wonderful Lauren Ellis, from Stroke Foundation NZ, about my stroke story and how the Stroke Foundation have helped me and my family recover. She sent me her write up for their upcoming campaign and, as I read through it, it almost felt like this wasn't my life. 'How was this about me?!'.. 'How had this become my life?' As surreal as it continues to feel, I'll keep sharing my story and my experience because I'm seeing how much it's helping others in my situation, or their families. Sharing this stuff is always scary. I never know how others will take it, especially our wonderful couples and families.
I guess, in many ways, I risk my ability to be hired because a story like this can put doubt in other people's minds.. but on the other hand, I get to show others in my position that you have the ability to turn this into what ever you want it to be.
I still have people hiring me and, if anything, my 'set backs' have drawn in my ideal clients, the kindest, most life-giving, gratitude filled people that you could meet here in Tauranga.
I continue to meet so many wonderful people and it still blows my mind that I get to work as a wedding photographer in this beautiful country. Life is working out!
I want to take this opportunity to thank my wonderful clients who continue to support me and my work! Thank you!
Erin Michele Thomson ∙ Tauranga Photographer ∙ info@erinmichele.co.nz
Comentarios