"Hi, my name is Erin and I'm an 'over-functioner'."
If you asked Brenè Brown, she'd confidently tell you that I am an 'over-functioner' in a crisis. If you know, you know. But if you don't know.. Brenè's podcast 'Unlocking Us' will explain this post. I like to be in control of situations. After my first stroke, I made video tutorials for all of our systems that John isn't completely familiar with so that he would know what to do if I had another one. When we got news of the nationwide lockdown, I sent a text to three people; My daughter's teacher, who is a good friend and hadn't heard the news yet. A fellow NICU mama with an ex-prem, who coincidentally, not only had a very similar experience to us, and is also from Australia, but ALSO moved about 20 minutes away from us HERE IN TAURANGA about 6 months before us. And John. Who received a grocery list of all the things we would need over the coming weeks. I already had plans in place before this happened. Our children were already out of school. Our fridge, freezer and pantry were already well stocked. Still, I felt like the higher rate at which I was functioning would, somehow, mean we would be better off; we'd tackle this more effectively. Eventually, the first week of lockdown came and went and I found myself sliding into under-functioning and I truly didn't understand what was happening.
I had to take a step back from the lists, from the plan, from my ability to take control of a situation.
I needed to give myself time to feel the frustration of life being put on hold; to feel the fear of this virus; to feel the sadness of so many lives lost and so many put at risk; to feel the sadness of so many families who are struggling at the moment. I needed to shut down. Netflix helped.
Mindless scrolling helped.
Podcasts helped.
Family games of 'Uno Flip' helped.
Eating all the snacks helped.
A couple of days ago, I regrouped, refocused, and felt a thousand times better.
I can't work IN my business at the moment, but I can work ON it.
I can't change the trajectory of this virus, but I can do my part and keep my family at home.
I can't hug the people who are important to me, but I can ensure they know we're here for them.
I can't stop every fight my children have.. but I can buy wine. I can only control what I have control over. So that's what I'm doing! John and I poured a third glass of wine and sat down at the table after the kids had gone to sleep.
We drew up a plan for work and how we were going to show up for our couples and families; how we were going to show up for all of you! We talked about what our children needed from us at the moment -- understanding, compassion, extra treats and leniency; and how we could give them those things. We need to be flexible.
Stretching bedtimes out a little. Allowing that extra glass of milk before bed. Saying 'yes' a little more often than usual. Being okay with a little more mess than we're used to. We need to accept that sometimes we're just not going to feel like doing something.
It's okay to serve up a bowl of noodles for dinner and call it a night. It's okay to send the kids to bed without a shower.
It's okay to wear your pjs all day, just to change into a clean pair later -- or not!
We need to make an effort to understand our children and how this is all affecting them.
Talking with them. Understanding how their lives have changed. Including them in some of the smaller decision making processes during this time, like what we have for dinner or the activities we'll do that day. Reminding them that this won't last forever but that we need to keep everyone safe.
We need to expect that not everything will go according to plan.
Make a plan for when the plan fails. What can we pull out of the freezer on the days we just don't want to cook? What kind of treats can we have hidden away and pull out in a moment's notice when the kids really need a pick-me-up (or us!)? Agree that, when shit hits the fan, it's okay to put a movie on for the kids and pour another glass of wine!
Having a plan of attack for our 'home life' has helped us know how to approach our 'work life' situation.
People aren't looking for 'beautifully curated', they're looking for 'real'.. they're looking for 'entertaining'.. they're looking for 'relatable'.
Like many of the experiences our family has faced in the past few years, the Covid-19 pandemic has certainly been 'an experience' and continues to teach us a lot about ourselves and the people around us.
This will change us, as it will the entire world, and all I can do is embrace it.
In regards to work, we'll still be keeping busy;
Bridal Guide updates and a new GROOM'S GUIDE.
In the many years I've been working as a photographer, we've never offered a 'Groom's Guide'! That's about to change!
We're not just updating our digital Bridal Guide, we're actually creating an entirely new guide, which will be printed as a magazine as soon as we're allowed to venture out into the world again!
Regular Blog Days.
Mondays = New shoots and weddings will be blogged (thankfully my backyard is made up of paddocks and I have a family who can be easily bribed to help me with shoot content during lockdown! Because, obviously, being a wedding photographer doesn't make me an essential worker.)
Wednesdays = Personal posts will be blogged (health updates, what's new in our lives, different things we're loving at the moment.. all sorts!
Fridays = Client Education posts will be blogged (posts to educate our families and couples on products, what to expect for their session, tips for their wedding, Vendor interviews, Q&A's with John!.. everything!)
System Updates.
Because when all this ends, which it will, I'm going to need a great system to provide the best client experience for all of my wonderful couples and families!
It's going to be a process. It's going to be different. It's going to be difficult.
..but we've got this!
So whether you're an 'over-functioner' or an 'under-functioner', take a step back, let everything feel overwhelming for a quick minute, and then deal with what you have control over and let the rest fall away; it's not yours to deal with.
Kia haumaru te noho e te whānau. Stay safe fam!
Erin Michele Thomson ∙ Tauranga Photographer ∙ info@erinmichele.co.nz
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