When I was little, I was always surrounded by breastfed babies.
Breastfeeding was very much normalised in my upbringing, and I wanted to continue that in my own children's upbringing.
When our eldest was born in 2012, I was 21 years old.
She took to breastfeeding like a pro but I struggled with supply right from the beginning.
When she was four weeks old, we went to Queensland for John's grandma's funeral. I was surrounded by people I was only meeting for the first time, I was still getting used to being a mother and I wasn't really looking after myself. The day we were due to leave, I had begun to heavily bleed. For the next few weeks, I would experience very heavy bleeding and just brushed it off as 'one of those things' that happens when you have a baby.. after all, I had no bloody idea! I'd already lost a lot of blood during delivery, so I was pretty flat already. I later realised that I'd had a secondary hemorrhage.. because I had another one when our second eldest was born.
When Brooklyn was born (baby #2), he was home for two weeks before I knew something was wrong.
We were at one of his checkups.
I'd been feeling incredibly faint for the past few days, again, not doing so well with supply, but I was keeping up with his feeds. As we walked out to the car, I began to lose a lot of blood.
I was rushed to the hospital and into theatre, for a twenty minute surgery.. that took four and a half hours.
I had retained products which had become infected - part of the placenta had stayed attached to the uterus during delivery. During surgery, I began to lose a lot of blood. I almost left a husband and two small children behind.
Thankfully, the hospital I was taken to organised a bed on the maternity ward for me to allow Brooklyn to stay with me, as I was breastfeeding and he wouldn't take a bottle.
I'd been in the hospital for a week when the doctors came into my room during rounds; I was breastfeeding Brooklyn.
"How's your supply going?" my doctor asked. "It seems to be picking up, but it's not great."
"All this blood you've lost over the past few weeks, I'm surprised you have a supply at all!"
Our bodies are designed to take care of the important parts.
The fact that I was 'on my way out', for lack of a better term, and was still able to breastfeed.. everyone was amazed!
"The IV fluids will be helping to keep you hydrated, which will be helping to keep your supply coming through, but we need to get you onto a higher carb diet.. get your husband to bring some of the good stuff in.. you don't want this", my doctor said as he pointed to my tray of hospital food.
My midwife explained, "your body needs a certain level of carbs to produce energy for yourself, as well as produce milk for your baby. Ya can't just eat a packet of chips and be done.. you need the good stuff!" Let me introduce you to.. "THE GOOD STUFF"..
When Carter was born, eating well and looking after myself wasn't a priority.
I was snacking on the go, barely sitting down for a decent meal, getting next to no sleep.
One night I was expressing next to Carter's cot side.
"How are you going with that?" one of the nurses asked.
"Agh.. I sit here for half an hour and barely get 20ml". Carter was already a month old and, whilst my milk had definitely 'come in', it wasn't much.
"And are you looking after yourself?"
..I wasn't.. and she knew it.
The next morning, after having a well-balanced breakfast of cereal and a chocolate brownie, I ducked into Carter's bay to do his 11am cares before having cuddles and then heading into the Mother's Room to express.
If you're a NICU mama, you'll know that you could meet a life-long friend when you sit in one of those rooms to express.
I met a beautiful woman who'd just had twins and was sitting there double pumping like a freakin' pro!
"I feel like I'm just here expressing for a couple of drops!" she says to me. "ME TOO!!! I use a syringe to make sure I get every little drop out of the pump", I said, slightly embarrassed at being that desperate. "SO DO I! Another mum yelled out as she pulled back the curtain of her little area.
The stress of having a baby in the NICU is enough to knock you out of the milk game, but we were all there every morning with our boobs in a cold, sterilised pump, just hoping to get enough for that next feed.
I was eating better than I did with our other two children. I was drinking a load of water.. I had even tried a special 'Nursing' tea.
"You know.. there's this lady who makes lactation cookies.. I don't know if they work.. but I'll try anything at this stage!" the twins' mum said, pulling her phone out to find this lady on Facebook, "Here.. 'Milky Goodness'.. if you want some, I was thinking of getting some too.. I can pick yours up at the same time and bring them to the hospital." If you haven't been following along with our journey, I was staying in hospital accommodation with my husband and two young children, in a city I'd never been to before, with 'home' being five hours away.
"That would be amazing!" We exchanged numbers and I contacted Milky Goodness that night to make an order.
I'd read the reviews on the Milky Goodness Facebook page - a lot of people were comparing these cookies to other brands, yet, here I was, never having heard of lactation cookies!
Finally, my cookies were here!.. and Bec, the lovely owner baker of Milky Goodness, included a free bag of cookies for me to leave in the Mother's Room, as a treat for other NICU Mamas.
I was so determined to breastfeed Carter. I was always of the "fed is best" mentality, and didn't give a second thought to signing a permission form for Carter to receive formula, if need be.
But Carter was a very sick bubba.. and his tummy was incredibly sensitive.
After having a pretty bad run with fortified feeds - where they added calories to my breastmilk to help Carter gain weight faster, Carter's doctors expected that formula could be too much for his sensitive belly.
I was eating three meals a day and snacking in-between. I was also keeping my fluid intake up and getting as much sleep as a NICU mama could.
But still, I was struggling to express anything more than about 30ml every 3 hours.
In my mind, I needed to breastfeed.
I felt like this was the only thing I could do for him. I had to give this the best shot I could.
Another NICU mum suggested only having two cookies, two times a day, "you'll wake up with engorged boobs, otherwise!" I want engorged boobs! I thought, already deciding that I'd be downing half a packet in one sitting.
I sat down with a cuppa and opened the first packet. 'Milk Chocolate Chip' the packet read.
They looked.. healthy. I saw the oats and panicked. I'm a 'packet of Tim-Tams' kinda girl.. I don't really do oat cookies.
Ok.. apparently I do like oat cookies!
These babies were delicious.
I ate an entire packet of cookies in one evening.
The following morning my supply had only slightly increased.. but not enough for me to be screaming from the rooftops.. 'I'll give it another day or so', I thought.
On day two, it was magical..
Milk was SPRAYING!
Now, if you're a pumping mama, you will know the feeling of pure happiness when you hear that spray hit the back of the pump and start flooding the bottle. It sounds like a stupid thing to get happy about.. but SHIT! I was bloody stoked!
I poured it all into the one bottle so I could have the incredibly memorable moment of strutting my shit down the NICU corridor with my bottle of EBM like, "YES! MAMA'S GOT MILK!"
I got hold of Bec that evening.
"Bec, These cookies are incredible! They're delicious and they WORK! I woke up this morning with SORE BOOBS!!! Agh! The happiness I felt to have boobs so full, they hurt lol!"
As I write about my experience with breastfeeding, it brings me to tears.
I breastfed our eldest for four months.. our second eldest, I went on to breastfeed for two years!
All because I was given the information I needed to keep my supply up.
With Carter, I was up against all sorts.
I didn't get to have as much skin-to-skin contact and Carter was mostly tube fed for the first three months, so those hormones I needed to knock my supply up just weren't being stimulated.
The 'premie' thing and NICU thing was all so new to me. Not to mention, we were so far away from the comforts of home.
It was hard to find time to look after myself.. but then, I realised, looking after myself was how I looked after my baby - something that isn't easy for most mums to accept.
I wanted to share my experience with mums who have been, or, are going through, this.
You'll hear it all;
Express every three hours..
Be sure to express overnight, when your supply is at it's highest..
Keep your WATER intake up.. not Pepsi Max.. I know, I know, it's hard.. but WATER is the one we want..
EAT THAT CAKE.. but be sure to get in loads of 'the good stuff' too!..
REST!.. I know, you've just had a baby, the thought of 'rest' is almost funny.. but you need it just as much as your baby does..
But I was doing ALL of these things, and it just wasn't helping to get me over the 30ml:3 hourly mark.
Bec, Thank you for creating a delicious product that works!
No.. thank you for creating a product that works.. that doesn't taste like morsels of gravel!
GIVEAWAY
I have teamed up with Milky Goodness to give you a delicious giveaway!
I'm all about keeping it as real as the screaming three year old sitting next to me, who is not so thrilled about watching his sister's choice of Barbie movie for the second day in a row.
I want you to comment on this post on my Facebook page with one single line, answering;
"WHAT HAVE YOU FOUND TO BE THE MOST DIFFICULT PART ABOUT PARENTING?"
Feel free to share a photo of your little ones too!
Answers will be judged on 'realness' and relatability, with one winner being chosen on Sunday evening (I'd love to give you a time.. but, whilst we're being real, there's a good chance that, at the very moment I sit down to announce the winner, a small child will start screaming bloody murder.. let's aim for 8pm).
The winner* will receive THREE STANDARD FLAVOUR BAGS OF MILKY GOODNESS LACTATION COOKIES delivered to their door, absolutely free!!
So, get commenting!! Let's hear how real it gets when we aren't sharing beautiful photos on Instagram of the two seconds that no one was losing their shit.. GO! *This one is only for my Aussie mamas.
Carter's first breastfeed at two months old!
