D ecluttering is often an easy project for most people.
We instantly go for the items we've been eyeing up to throw away for a while and before long, we've moved through one area of our home and are starting on the next. More often than not, it's the sentimental items that delay our progress.
The crystal vase that was left to you by your grandmother, the picture frame that your mother-in-law gave you before she passed, the tiny little baby items from when your children were little and the one I hear often, the children's favourite baby toys that they've long outgrown.
Why is it so difficult to purge these items? That vase from your grandmother that you never really took a liking to, the picture frame from your mother-in-law that doesn't suit your home decor, and the kid's old stuff takes up too many boxes to count.
So why do we have so much difficulty in letting it all go? - Because we're scared of losing the connection to the memories we have.
CUTTING THE CORD
When I was nine, we moved from our little home in New Zealand for a brand new start in Australia.
I remember Dad explaining that we could only take so many things on the plane with us, the rest we would have to get rid of - my first experience with purging.
Through my childhood, I'd accumulate a number of items; notes from friends, photos, love letters, birthday cards, movie tickets.. literally, anything that would link me to the memories I had of those years.
When I was twenty, I moved in with my, now, husband and along came all of my 'stuff'. We had a lot of stuff!
I remember sorting through all of our boxes one morning and coming across an incredibly big, heavy box. I opened it up to reveal an assortment of old shoe boxes and gift boxes which held all of my "memories" from over the years. Memories of friends I hadn't heard from in years, boyfriends that were long gone and, from the looks of it, every single establishment I had ever set foot in. I began to read the cards and the letters, and look through the hundreds of photographs I had bound together with old ribbons I'd collected.
As I reminisced, I was reminded of the people behind the letters, the people in the photos, and it hit me. These aren't the people I know now.
Like me, these people have grown. Our lives have changed and so have our relationships. These things aren't just connections to memories, they're bungee cords that link me to sadness and loss - once I finally begin to move on, that bungee cord bounces all the old memories back into light.
CLUTTER, WITHOUT THE EMOTIONAL CONNECTION, IS JUST CLUTTER
'Clutter' isn't just the physical items in our lives, it's the mental baggage we hold onto as well.
A sentimental item, without the emotional connection, is just another item. Just another crystal vase, just another picture frame, just another baby toy. If we remove the item from our lives, are we discarding the memories too? - Only if we choose to.
When we discard old letters and gifts from ex-partners, it's often in a pursuit of happiness, a 'step forward', if you will. In letting go of the item, we are letting go of the emotional stress connected to it. We're clearing our physical and mental space of a time we don't want to be stuck in anymore. Now, that doesn't mean that you have to let go of the good memories. I have friends that I've drifted from over the years and we no longer talk, but we shared some really fun times! I will always hold onto those memories, but keeping their photo or a birthday card they gave me isn't going to help me hold onto them. They live in me.. not in the items I keep. It's the same for items that connect us to happy memories. Letting go of Grandma's old crystal vase isn't going to make you forget about the long talks you had with her over afternoon tea, or the smell of her baking when it was fresh out of the oven. Those conversations, the freshly made scones.. the memories.. they're not kept in an old vase you keep in the cupboard. They're kept in the stories you share with the people that knew her.
We grew up in a home that didn't have a lot of clutter. My parents were the original minimalists.. and still are! They spend their money on experiences over material items and when they do make purchases, it's for high quality items that last.
Our days were often spent sitting with dad, listening to stories of when he was younger, getting to know a side of my grandparents that I'd never known, a lifestyle very different to our own.
Without realising it, my dad had taught me that memories live through the stories we tell.
Whilst the pain of losing loved ones is difficult, sharing stories of the times you had with them allows them to live through those stories; it lets those memories live on through others.
An old item, which we find absolutely no happiness in, should never have a place in our homes. Look at the items you're having trouble letting go of. Just look at them. Will removing these things from your home make your memories fade? Don't give any item, you don't absolutely love, the burden of carrying memories for you.
It will only make you bitter.
IT ONLY HOLDS SENTIMENTAL VALUE IF YOU LET IT
My husband always jokes that I am ruthless when it comes to sentimental items.
"It holds no sentimental value if I don't want it to", I tell him as I throw another birthday card or photograph in the bin.
Although I do try to limit the little mementos and photographs I do hold onto, there are a few items that I've kept. The kid's onesies we brought them home in from the hospital, their hospital bands, a handful of photographs from my childhood (because I haven't got around to scanning them), a Christmas card and an Engagement card with beautiful inscriptions, and a collection of articles I have written for newspaper publications. Our collection of sentimental items, which aren't displayed in our home, are limited to a small chest we keep in our closet. Limiting our sentimental items to a small storage chest has allowed us to keep only what we truly love - the things that bring us true happiness. But if we lost all those items in a fire tomorrow, would the memories be gone?
Absolutely not.
Erin Michele. x
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