I don't like giving advice.
I feel like the world is great at giving people unwanted advice. We want to share all the great things that worked for us and warn people of the things we "wasted our time" on. The thing that is often overlooked by many people that give advice to unwilling receivers, is that what works for you, may not work for the next person.
So whilst I am always willing to share my experiences to encourage anyone seeking my advice, please keep in mind that there is never a 'one size fits all'. It's more of a 'one size fits me and a bunch of people I know, but it's kinda tight and cuts off the air circulation on others'.
KIDS AND THEIR TOYS
I recently shared our story of how we changed our children's lives by removing the excess.
I received a lot of great feedback and messages from parents AROUND THE WORLD! "How do you tackle the toys that drive you insane but your children love them?
I'm talking about the little toys they get in happy meals or those annoying
plastic things that they bring home from kids parties.
They're the WORST quality but for some reason they're favourites! HOW DO I GET RID OF THEM?!"
- an Australian mother
"My kids are young but old enough to know when I'm sneaking toys out to the trash can (3, 5 & 8). I throw away toys that are never played with, but the second they hit the dumpster, they begin asking where said toy disappeared to!!
Decluttering has become so stressful in our house because it's always followed with tears."
- an American mother
Whilst these mamas live at least 10,000 miles apart, they have one thing in common,
they're trying to get rid of other people's belongings. If I came to your house and spotted something which I felt just needed to go in the bin, I wouldn't even comment on it! I certainly wouldn't take it and throw it away! I know, I know. I hear you saying, "but I bought this toy.. technically it's just as much mine as it is theirs!" Does it make it any more right if the item I wanted to take from your house was one I'd bought for you? See where I'm going with this? To our children, their toys are THEIRS. Regardless of who bought them. They were given to THEM. And they're absolutely right. Doing anything 'sneakily' when it comes to family values, or any kind of values, is never a great idea and certainly doesn't carry any good outcomes.
Trust me, I've been there!
I've trashed bags of toys on the "down low" and heard the cries from a mile away when someone finds their broken toys in the bin. Whilst it definitely works on a decluttering level, it does absolutely nothing for us as a family.
If your children are old enough to understand, explain to them why it's important to you for them to have toys that serve more of a purpose than just flashing and making noise - on their level.
Keep your explanation simple. All they are hearing is that you want to chuck their toys away. There's a number of ways to approach it, but here's an example of a conversation I had with my, then, four year old;
"You know how you have lots and lots of toys to play with?
Well, did you know that there are some children that have no toys to play with?"
I explain, on her level, that not all children are as lucky as she is to have so much to play with and that, because she has so many toys, maybe we could work together to find the toys which she no longer plays with or that she thinks another little girl or boy may enjoy playing with. The key here is to offer your assistance, but ensure that you will be making the decisions together. Take a box or something else to load the unwanted toys into and get to work.
LET IT SLIDE
Our son has a collection of toy cars which he values most, of all the toys he owns.
Included in his little collection is a handful of plastic cars from McDonalds happy meals. I loathe happy meal toys. They usually find their way into the bin before we've even finished eating. It's easy now, as the kids have an understanding of 'less is more', but back when they were a little younger, their toys went straight into their toy tubs. These little McDonalds cars bring our son so much joy when he plays with them - who am I to take them away from him? So, I let these things slide. The important thing is your child's QUALITY OF PLAY, not the QUALITY OF TOYS.
We don't spend much money when it comes to toys, unless they're items they won't quickly outgrow or that can be enjoyed by our younger children as they grow. The cost of the toy is irrelevant. We are simply trying to encourage active minds and nurture imaginative play.
Letting some of the 'less worthy' toys slip through your strict criteria is much better for everyone than sneaking out after dark with a bag of toys like you've just robbed a small child.. which is kind of exactly what you did. Not 'kind of'.. you just stole from a small child.
EDUCATION IS KEY
In a consumer fueled world, it's certainly difficult to encourage loved ones to gift your family items or experiences that you approve of.
As much as you may cringe at the thought of another battery operated toy in your home, appreciate the love and thought that went into the gift! Appreciate that someone took the time to spend their hard earned money on something that they felt would bring you or your family happiness.
We also need to understand that the guilt of 'not giving a gift' is strong! Even if that's exactly what you asked for! Many people assume that you're just being polite but are really expecting them to deliver something great. Many people don't live minimalist lifestyles.
Educate them on the kinds of items your family would love to receive. Help others to understand that, whilst you may not actually need anything, if they wish to gift you or your family something, then the gift of an experience or their time is something that you would absolutely love to receive.
Erin Michele. x
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