P arenthood & minimalism. It's not often looked at as an 'easy' combination.
We want the best for our children and sometimes, the 'best' isn't always what's best.
We have a lot of friends and family members with children, ranging from babies to teenagers. All of the parents we know have one thing in common, regardless of how old your babies get, you want them to be happy.
But making your child happy comes in all shapes and sizes. The traditional method? "Stuff".
I'll be the first to tell you that I am no expert and I am by no means a "perfect" parent.
I use bribes to encourage my five year old to try new foods, I hide the chocolate in the top of the fridge where the kids can't see it, I give in to making a Nutella sandwich half an hour after the old "if you don't eat your dinner, you don't get anything until breakfast tomorrow". I'm not perfect. But I found something that works.. and I want to share it with you!
THE REVOLVING DOOR THAT IS
'PARENTING GUILT'
We have always kept our children's belongings to a minimum. For our daughter's first Christmas she received one toy from us.
We bought her a $49 'Stand & Play' musical table. That is it.
As the years went by, we noticed a trend with other children around us when it came to Christmas. "What did you get?! I got.. (insert long list of gifts here)".
This was more recently apparent during the Christmas just passed. But it was my daughter's reaction to the question that really got my attention.
One by one, the kids squealed with excitement, rattling off all the different things they'd received for Christmas that morning, "What did you get?" my daughter was asked. "A teacup playset!" she said with excitement. "Is that all you got?!" one of the boys asked. She looked at him with the most puzzled look, "Well, my Mom and Dad gave me some clothes but I just wanted a teacup playset".
I felt sadness for her. That was really all she got, with her brother only receiving a box of mixed coloured playdough, along with some clothes and shoes which both children needed anyway. But she was right, that was really all she wanted. Why did I feel so bad about giving her exactly what she'd asked for? I felt guilty for not showering her with as many gifts as all the other parents showered their children with! I felt guilty for not buying all the latest toys that the other kids had! I felt guilty for not buying those silly little Hatchimals that all the other parents on my Facebook newsfeed were talking about in the lead up to Christmas!
Our children were absolutely overjoyed on Christmas morning, but I still felt like an absolute failure of a parent!
TOO MUCH OF ANYTHING IS NEVER A GOOD IDEA
I continued to feel that awful parenting guilt with my sister's voice in my head, saying "you never buy the kids cool stuff!".
After opening gifts with our family, one of the older kids had a pile of opened gifts sitting next to him. Picking up something from the pile, he turned to me and asked, "Is this mine?"
I looked at him, unsure of if it was a trick question, "Yeees" I said to him with a puzzled expression. "Are you sure?" he asked, "I don't remember opening it".
"We watched you open it a few minutes ago. It's definitely yours." I reassured him.
Not a single inch of me blamed him! His pile of presents was almost as big as he was! I don't think that an adult could keep track of opening all those gifts!
A moment of clarity. Too much of anything is never a good thing.
I knew we'd made the right decision to only give the kids one item that each of them wanted and the rest of their presents were necessities.
We took their huge bags of gifts home that night and unpacked them all onto the dining table. We needed a plan.. immediately.
THE GAME PLAN
The kids collection of toys consist of 4 small Ikea trofast tubs;
Lego
Toy Cars
Train Set
On top of their trofast storage unit, our two year old son has;
1 toy Fire Truck
1 toy Combine Harvester
1 toy Dump Truck
Apart from a small basket of books, a collection of playdough and art supplies and a teddy bear each which sits on their beds, these are the only toy items that our children own.
They could dump out every single toy in the house and it would take approximately 10 minutes to put them away. We decided that we would add one more trofast tub to the mix to house our daughter's brand new tea set.
We began integrating the new toys and discarding older items to make room. Whilst we were somewhat ruthless with clearing out the old to make way for the new, we did create two new tubs; one for the huge amount of Kinetic Sand and one for the Clay Building Bricks they'd received.
These were fantastic sensory items and they would benefit the kids more than the addition of items would hinder them.
The kids now had a collection of brand new toys with only a very slight increase in options. It would still take no more than 10 minutes to put away every single toy.
PAY ATTENTION TO TANTRUMS.. YOUR CHILD IS COMMUNICATING WITH YOU!
Everything our children have access to have been carefully picked for them. They're age appropriate, they stimulate creativity and imagination, are safe and durable, they encourage resourcefulness, they address developing needs and emerging skills and are all interesting for both our children, as well as the children we have visit our home.
Having too much of something, in this case 'toys', is never a great idea.
Think of it like this..
When children have a 'melt-down' or 'temper tantrum' we often suggest a nap or a bit of down-time, correct?
Children need down-time for brain development. Tantrums are how our little people tell us there's too much going on - it's how they cope with being overstimulated.
Now, think about introducing so many toys into your child's day that they couldn't possibly play with all of them in a single day.
So many options. Too many options.
And if you have the privilege of having several children in your home, I can absolutely guarantee you that, of all the toys they each have the option of playing with, they will all want the same one anyway!
Now take those children and put them in an area where you have carefully picked out the items they each have access to.
They are now limited to a small amount of items. They aren't being bombarded with choice. They aren't being overstimulated.
We've noticed our children take care of the items they have, being sure to put them back in their designated 'homes' once they're done.
We've noticed that they don't ask for anything new to add to their collections (bright eye-catching advertisements no longer grab their attentions the way they used to!).
Our children are never complaining of being bored.
They play all day and then sleep all night (most nights.. we're working on it!).
They are patient and kind. They use their imaginations more than ever and are always creating new ways to use their toys.
Not only are they sharing more too, but they're working together to build Magnatile & Lego structures, create art projects, set up teddy bear picnics..
AND THEN THEY WORK TOGETHER TO PACK IT ALL AWAY!
As I said, we aren't perfect parents.
Our children do argue, they don't always eat their veggies, we offer bribes here, there and everywhere, we often throw on a movie to buy ourselves some alone time and we are never truly sure of anything we do as parents.
But this has worked for us and the way we live our lives.
It's worked on so many different levels that I felt like I definitely had to share our experience with you all.. just in case you feel like it may work in your home.
Erin Michele. x
join the conversation
Looking for an encouraging online community to share tips & ideas with? Head over to our Facebook group, "Minimalism: Encouraging Steps to Simplicity" and hit that 'Join' button!
I also want to encourage you to head over to "Essentials in the Early Years" on Facebook. Justine is extremely well qualified, working as a Director in early childhood education and a parent herself!
You can grab some great tips and inspiration for shaping your child's future!
